i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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