What did we do last night that was yellow?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
