brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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