ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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