Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We need a shit load of segways right now
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
