True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
organizing the empties. That sober.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
