I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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