He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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