I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
