fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
