she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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