In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
