I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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