The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
