just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
