kristin has been a bad kristin
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
