shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
