and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
