Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
