she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
