i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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