Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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