No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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