Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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