I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
