I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
