Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
