I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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