I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
