If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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