You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i barfeds in our rink
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
