i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
