yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
