Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
