Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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