FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
