my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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