I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Vodka?
Forever.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
