last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
