Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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