I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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