Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
