If that was your dad, he is hot
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
