i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
