The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
