in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
