don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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