I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
