My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
