Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
