Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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