just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Randomize
