I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
